bed rest

when last i wrote, we were about to head to the internist to figure out the source of my mystery pregnancy malady. well, from that appointment i was admitted directly to the hospital -- primarily because upon standing my pulse rate shot up 30+ bpm to 120-something. i also could barely move.

i ended up in the hospital overnight for testing and observation. long story short, the countless tests didn't really show anything, though it did rule out a lot of scary stuff that would have been bad for me and the baby (and the baby is doing really well, by the way). we did find that my sodium and potassium were a bit low, so that could very well be interfering with my body's ability to expand my blood volume quickly enough to meet the baby's needs (which surge ahead at this point in pregnancy). the theory that i just don't have enough blood would explain all the symptoms (and explain why they so closely mirror the symptoms of anemia -- different path to the same result). i also have chronically low blood pressure and such issues run in my family. so, in the absence of any other plausible theory, this is the one we're going with.

the doctor put me on bed rest for a week, and has me drinking sport drinks and adding more salt to my diet, etc. i'm also trying to boost my iron a bit higher since that can only help. the next 10 days were worse than the first 10 i wrote about before. i basically was unable to sit up at all in the mornings, and often found that simply sitting would exhaust me. i pretty much didn't move other than to plod over to the bathroom. fun! luckily friends have been bringing us some food and helping to entertain poor, housebound eva. that made a big difference.

just in the past day or two i've been seeing a gradual upswing. i decided on wednesday (after being released from bed rest) that i'd just be better through sheer power of will and determination. that didn't work out so well; about ten minutes of very light activity around the house wore me out and i napped for an hour. today i managed an actual shower in the morning and larry took me to my midwife's office for another round of blood tests, and after we thought we'd get lunch to go at central market since we were right there. well, after a very short walk into the store and down one aisle, i very quickly realized my mistake. my body insisted that i sit down *right now* and i was at a loss for how to get back to the chairs near the entrance. i sort of stood there and felt panicky, looking for something to lean as my vision started to get fuzzy, and larry led me back to the chairs. i was really frustrated and disappointed by this encounter, realizing that "feeling better" is a far stretch away from resuming anything resembling my normal activities. something as simple as driving eva to the park for 20 minutes or out for ice cream seems out of reach at this point, and in the mean time she asks me every day "when are we going back to my music class, mama?" (we've missed the last three and there's only one left, i don't have the heart to tell her.) larry reasoned with me that my failed outing needs to be viewed in context -- i did more this morning than i've done in over a week. so, i'm getting better, but this is going to be a slow climb, i think. we'll just take each day and see where it carries us; there's not much more i can do than that.

larry has been amazing through this whole thing, tending to my every need as i sat glued to the couch, and taking care of eva as well, all the while trying to squeeze in his actual job wherever it would fit. the amount of patience and caring he has displayed overwhelms me, so much so that i can't begin to articulate how i feel about it. eva has been pretty great herself, patiently entertaining herself when we need her to (except maybe for that long 24 hrs at the hospital) and coming over to give me (and panowah) kisses and hugs and toys just because, or looking at me with peace in her eyes as she strokes my hair when i cry out of frustration. she's quite a kid, resilient and caring beyond measure. i've always known these things about both of them, but sometimes extreme circumstances allow you to see with greater clarity the things that have always been there.