2^5: happy birthday to me

today is my birthday. i'm now 2⁵ years old (and also, apparently, a recovering math geek). i've had birthdays that required a lot of planning on my part, and birthdays that required planning on the part of others. but today involved very little planning ("so kristy, what are you doing for your birthday?" "oh, i don't know, nothing really."), and it was just perfect. it ranks right up there at the top of the list.

my birthday experience technically started at 1 a.m., when i was awakened (having fallen asleep on the couch, foolishly thinking i could lie down and watch an entire TV episode at that hour) by my sweet husband kissing my forehead and telling me how happy he was to have me in his life. we went upstairs to shuttle sleeping eva to the potty and then go to bed. in her mostly-asleep state, larry told her it was now officially my birthday, and her eyes fluttered open just long enough for her to utter in a gravely 1-a.m.-style voice, "happy birthday, mama" (and then was instantly back asleep).

at a more reasonable hour of the day, i awoke to eva rustling around a bit next to me. "open your eyes, mama, it's morning. the sun woke up." i comply, and filling my visual frame is a sweet little face that lights up upon seeing my eyes. she throws her arm around my neck in a hug-slash-choke-hold and says "i'm hugging you so much because i love you." eva, do you remember what today is? a spark of recognition: "mama, it's your birthday today!" the three of us then hung out in bed being silly and cute for a bit before heading downstairs to a breakfast of pastries, smoothies, an assortment of glorious in-season citrus, and special decaf birthday coffee for mama. (the pastries came from cissi's market, the best assortment i've had in a long time. and i really liked that market in general, a nice urban touch in our own little city.)

eva and i then headed to the park to have playgroup with friends. somedays playgroup is nearly as challenging as it is rewarding (for eva or for me), but not today. today, the kids played. and played. no one hit anyone with a stick; there was no need for our intervention every 90 seconds. as a result, if watching the day on a time lapse film, you'd see me and my best mama friends sitting on the squishy playground surface next to the swings while a flurry of blurry children buzzed in the perimeter of the frame. time passed; other moms and kids left, classrooms of kids from the nearby elementary school came and left for recess periods, and our kids played independently while we had a (relatively) uninterrupted conversation. when the time lapse reel ends, you'll find that we were there for 4 1/2 hours. that in itself was a beautiful birthday gift from the wee ones.

we (finally) headed home to find larry. then somehow (an abandoned post-car-induced nap continuation, i guess it was) we all ended up lounging in bed again. after a bit, we got ready and headed out for some shopping and dinner.

larry had asked me what i wanted for my birthday, and i told him all i wanted was for him to take eva shopping to choose her own present for me. like many a toddler, she is obsessed with birthdays. and, on a daily basis (unrelated to my birthday) she wraps up little presents -- a crayon in a tissue, a toy spoon in a random box, a sticker folded around a small bead -- and gives them to me or to panowah (the ones for panowah must then sit perched on my belly until she forgets about them and i can take them off again). so, she was excited about shopping with papa to choose her present for me.

we headed to target (good ol' reliable target, perfect for every occasion). i ran parallel errands while eva and larry did their thing. when they stumbled across me later, she came trotting up to me with great enthusiasm, carrying a gift bag: "mama, i picked out a birthday present to give you at dinner! and i colored in it!" (apparently she then went on to charm the check-out person, and even paid all by herself. well, all by herself but with a bit of help from the bank of dad. not her last withdrawal, i'm sure.)

we had dinner at zocalo, which i'd been meaning to check out for ages now. it was really good food -- fresh and bright tasting, if that makes sense -- and the setting was lovely yet relaxed. perfect for the occasion (that being, a birthday dinner but on a friday evening out with a toddler, a set of requirements that limits one's options). the friendly owner and staff (not to mention the gratis chili chocolate cheesecake birthday dessert) didn't hurt either. eva was in rare form with respect to crowd-pleasing cute behavior and looked adorable in her new brown velvet dress (wardrobe change prompted by a refusal to don pants back at home). and with her hair up in a pony tail, when did she start looking like such a kid, no remnants of baby hiding in there at all?

she could hardly wait to present me with the special gift: the bag featured a roaring dinosaur (odd that she choose that, given her distaste for any images of animals bearing teeth). "make it make the loud sound, mama!" sure enough, if you push his belly he (nearly inaudibly, in a restaurant anyway) roars. eva had her ears covered and a huge grin on her face, enjoying and hiding from the roar simultaneously. i read the card she chose -- larry reported that she went with that one due to the flowers on the front -- and saw what she drew inside in black marker. (she had already told me six times "i colored in your present mama.") removing the tissue paper revealed not one but three gifts: the first one, which larry helped her with, was a mom and toddler exercise DVD. perfect, because i've been saying i could use a bit of exercise and eva's been obsessed with doing "kid exercises" (mostly yoga poses she picked up from her friends, but also things she makes up, like stretching her leg over the railing of her tower, etc). next i found a pair of knee-high socks in my favorite shade of celery green with turquoise trim. ("mama, we chosed the green ones because you might like that color i think.") and last but not least, eva proudly showed me an earring and necklace set -- and that was 100% her own idea and choosing. a few weeks ago, eva was playing with my new necklace lying on the bedside table and broke the chain. i tried not to make her feel bad about it, but she's able to sense these things (it was a chain larry bought for me on our belated honeymoon in hawaii, so i minded a little bit). despite my reassurance regarding the whole thing, she still talks about this. so, when i looked at my gift, she said proudly, "mama, i bought you a necklace that isn't broken!" my sweet baby. that whole thing shows some emotional understanding on her part that just makes me want to melt. where did this little person come from? and how did i get so lucky?

so, i next found myself crouching next to eva's chair to tell her "thank you", and she flung herself at me, arms around my neck, saying into my ear, completely unprompted there among the busy dinner crowd, "i love you mama. happy birthday." i had to hold back the tears. sitting back in my chair, i just blinked through my watery eyes at my sweet child, my amazing husband, and couldn't do anything but stare, wondering how on earth i ever got so lucky as to deserve this. this family -- this life, which contains such within it such moments of unbelievable beauty and perfection.

we headed home, she's sleeping now (thanks, papa :), and here i sit, reflecting on my lovely day. what more could i ask for? i can't imagine, but soon i'll look back and wonder how my life ever could have felt complete with out the presence of the new life that is about to join our little family. this new baby is a big part of our lives, each day, already. but for now, in at the end of my thirty-second birthday, i have all i need in the world.

carventures

impromptu double nap, originally uploaded by kelanew.

i'm writing this post from the car (hurray for wifi), sitting with eva parked in our driveway. it's about 68 degrees, and we have the windows open, listening to the sounds of rush hour traffic as people head home for dinner. we're also listening to the radio -- it started on NPR, until eva tired of my "woman radio" and changed it to her "kid music" CD. she's in the driver's seat right now in more ways than one. she keeps changing tracks or stations, adjusting the volume to her liking.

as it turns out (and you may be surprised by our spontaneity in vacation plans), eva is driving us to the airport so that we can then fly to guatemala. apparently, we'll see all of our cousins there. just now, she buckled her bear into the car seat (correctly, too, quite snugly tightened), and both eva and i have our seat belts on as well ("so we can be safe").

why are we sitting in the driveway at 6 pm? well, it all started at 3:00 while driving home from our ice cream date, when i suddenly decided that i must, absolutely right now, clean out the car.

the car has been a huge mess for a few months -- traveling nonstop contributes to this, as does taking a month's worth of stuff plus everything christmas to college station in december. the poor car never really recovered from that. i think we had four of eva's hats, three of her pairs of shoes (one outgrown), and a coat or two for each family member all in the back seat. i feel overwhelmed by such things -- if it's not simple to tidy it up, why even start? -- and the car is just a microcosm of the house. i'm seriously done with the clutter, but feel helpless to overcome it. that's something i need to figure out before this new baby arrives.

so, at 3:00, frustration or a surge of can-do-it spirit or (and this is most likely) nesting urges brought on by pregnancy hormones caused me to drive straight to the car wash place. i did it by hand, feeding quarter after quarter of hope and cleanliness into the little slot. i cleaned every surface of this car, places such as the crevices of the air conditioning vents and the weatherstripping inside the trunk lid. it took two hours. i think the attendant was chuckling to himself watching me -- for all i know, he sees pregnant women scouring the hinges of their car doors on a regular basis.

upon returning home, we showed larry the fruits of our labor, and then eva refused to get out of the car. i so rarely let her play in the driver's seat for an extended period of time, so she's pretty much on cloud nine. now that the street lights and traffic head lights have come on, i think i might try anew to convince her to go inside. i think she gets the power of the driver's seat, and is hesitant to give it up. however, the power of my rumbling stomach will soon tip the balance, and all we have in the car is water and oatios.

who knows, next time i might be blogging from a sturdy branch of a tree.

enough to go around

lash II, originally uploaded by kelanew.

earlier today, eva was feeling generally a bit put out, about life and the state of things (such as the relative number of peas in each of her two bowls at lunch, or the fact that larry lifted her breakfast bagel from the toaster by placing the tongs on the wide edge rather than the preferred narrow edge of said bagel). sometimes she has a lot of rules -- let's call them "strong preferences". i think that just means she's two; larry taunts me that it means she's just like me, and the truth is likely somewhere in between.

speaking of preferences, for the most part, i try not to interfere with her little projects and such if it's not really hurting anything. a little chaos is fine with me. but it seems that i will express my own... um, preferences... when it comes to large amounts of waste. encountering her in the midst of emptying an entire sheet of 42 cent stamps onto the leg of the kitchen cart, i explained that those stickers were special (along with the rudiments of the concept of postage) and suggested that we not waste them. more often, i present "waste" in environmental terms -- why we can't leave the sink running (even if we're sure we're going to come back later to finish washing our hands), or why we put certain things in the recycling rather than the trash, so it can be made into something new. avoiding these sorts of waste is good for the earth.

but you never know if these concepts are sinking in or not. sometimes they take hold in a way you don't anticipate.

so earlier today, when eva was protesting the state of her peas and the bagel tongs, i found myself taking her face in my hands, overcome with the need to give her lots of kisses. i smooched my way from her temple to her chin and was moving up the other side when she stopped me in cheerful protest.

"mama, that's too many kisses!"
i countered, "no, no, it's not. i need to give you lots and lots of kisses."
"but don't give me so many kisses, you will waste them!"

well played, eva, well played. but you should know, kisses are a renewable resource.

siblings

sibling conversation, originally uploaded by Kristy and Eva.

so, i'm often asked what we're going to do when the baby is born and eva insists on calling her panowah. i may end up eating these words, but i really, strongly believe it's a non-issue. she's smart. a month ago, she insisted the baby was a girl and wouldn't hear otherwise, but now after we've discussed it a few times, she understands the gender is an unknown. (so now with great frequency she asks me rhetorically, "mama, do we know if the baby will be a boy or a girl?" similarly, she gets that there's a name for the baby when it's inside and that there will be a new one when the baby comes out (which, she hopes, will be any day now.)

eva, what should we name the baby when it comes out if it's a boy?
"um... saint nick!"
okay, that's a good option. but if we don't choose saint nick, then what should we name the baby if it's a boy?
"um... we should name him 'boy plane'."
boy plane?
"uh-huh."
hmm. well, what if the baby is a girl, then what should we name her?
"panowah."
well, but remember, panowah is a name for inside babies. what about when she comes out?
"lemony."
okay, but what if we don't name her lemony, then what should we choose?
"panowary." (rhymes with "january")
well, that sounds like panowah. do you have another idea for a girl?
"well, we'll just name her 'boy plane'."

now (for the moment) she's fixated on saint nick. "mama, when panowah comes out, then her name will be saint nick!" so you see, everyone, it will be fine. she won't continue to call the baby panowah forever. instead, she'll call her something much more appropriate. like boy plane. :)

the whole panowah thing in the first place is a function of how absorbed she is in the concept of the new baby. she talks about it endlessly, draws pictures for the baby, shares her toys with the baby (by setting them on my belly shelf ), and comes over to give the baby hugs and kisses (and *just* the baby -- if i try to join in, i'm often rebuffed, "no mama, i'm just hugging panowah, not you." well then.). she all but smothers every other baby we're around, and she refers to herself as "the big sister" as often as not. and i think all that energy needs to be directed at something concrete, something with a name... it's far less satisfying to fall in love with a nameless, genderless, belly-obscured lump.

so, panowah, or lemony, or whoever you are (and we *so* promise your sister will not under any circumstances be allowed to name you, even if she throws a months-long tantrum about it), you have no idea how much we all love you already. earlier, eva was jumping up and down squealing, and when questioned, said "i'm jumping crazy because i'm so excited about my baby!" we can hardly wait to meet you, and find out more about who you are.

[photo: 20 weeks pregnant to the day, on new year's eve.]

dear santa

dear santa, originally uploaded by Kristy and Eva.

on christmas eve, karen and john and larry and i helped eva and sarah write a letter to santa. we suggested some general topics, but the words are theirs (well, toward the end they got a bit more distracted. the most humorous part was when i suggested they tell santa who was in their family, who they loved. eva piped up with "i love uncle john!" aww, nice. anyone else? hmm, ... silence. no one else of note, it seems. :)

Dear Santa,
Baby Katherine is very little. She likes to lay down. We have milk and cookies for you. Sarah and Eva made the cookies and everybody helped. Find the cookies near the fireplace. Santa, you will say "ho, ho, ho"! We are all at Gram's house in College Station. Today we played in the morning, and we played outside. Does Santa want to play outside? That's Panowah in Mama(Kristy)'s belly, and Katherine is out of Mama(Karen)'s belly. I love Uncle John.
Thank you for visiting us.
Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
From, Eva and Sarah







we had as nice a christmas as could be expected under the circumstances. as you can see, rita got all of us matching striped pajamas, so we had fun being all stripey and a bit silly. it was a mix of good times and hard times. i expect it will continue that way for a while.