the strange thing is, i wake up and she's somewhere other than where i left her. this is new. since i only barely wake up to feed her and there's a minimum of consciousness involved, it can be very disorienting. sometimes things happen in the middle of the night and i later can't separate dream from reality (did she really wake up crying with gas pain? did i already feed her on this side? was i really just awake 20 minutes ago?). the effect is often like a little movie, strangely edited: scene 1, baby is nursing peacefully, mama's eyes fade to black. scene 2, baby is halfway across the bed facing the other way, (is she hungry what time is it oops too sleepy) fade to black. scene 3, sounds of a hunger cry, mama sleepily rolls to her side to assist, but upon opening her eyes, somehow we see a close-up of baby's feet in her face and baby's head is all the way over there out of the frame. how'd that happen?
anyway, the point of all this is that last night, eva provided me with a really amusing, profoundly disorienting little scene. she woke up clearly wanting to eat, but was several feet across the bed. when she's close to me, she just does this little worm maneuver on her side to get move in a few inches and get latched on. i was getting everything in place (arm, pillows, etc), and before i could reach out to pull her in, she flopped over onto her stomach (which she avoids at all costs while awake), put her arms in front and pushed up, lifting her face completely vertical (which we've spent countless hours of physical therapy trying to convince her to do without violently protesting while awake), and then latched on like that! she proceeded to eat for a couple of minutes in that crawling position, until her arms got tired. then, (get this) she moved her arms back by her side, but continued to hold her head up and eat -- like a little baby seal. i would have been laughing hysterically had i been more awake; as it was, i was concentrating with all my brain power to determine that, yes, this was really happening.
its like some crazy david lynch thing. the next time i wake up to find a baby seal, i'll know i really am dreaming if i find a dancing midget and the log lady there, too.