one month

tomorrow, one month will have passed since dick died. there are no words i could write here that would begin to summarize anything about his life or about the void he has left, so i'll leave that to others.

at this memorial page, you will find links to the obituary, news release, and an article in the college station paper (both lovely articles). there is also a link to condolence messages posted by colleagues and friends -- not surprisingly, there are a great number of messages, but it's worth glancing through some. from several continents, from student workers to college presidents and beyond, he was much beloved by so many...

i don't know what else to say. it still only seems real in short bursts, and my brain finds the news shocking every single time. as confusing as it is for we adults, the little ones are only marginally protected by their lack of full understanding. below is a sweet and sad conversation i had with eva just before christmas as while were laying together as she was falling asleep -- she's so clearly trying to make sense of something that her brain is simply not equipped to understand yet.

"mama, i miss grampie."
what? (because i didn't quite understand her at first)
'i'm sad because grampie went away."
oh, i know, sweetheart, i'm sad about that, too.
(short pause, wheels visibly turning)
"where did grampie go?"
well, i don't really know, eva. he died, which means he went away and he can't come back. his body got very, very sick and can't work anymore. but we can think about him, and tell stories about him...
(several minute sleepy pause, then she rolled back to face me with a questioning look)
"but i still don't know where grampie went. i've been trying to find him."

it made me cry then, and it makes me cry reading it now. for so, so many, there is a long path ahead that simply must be traveled, somehow.

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