the view from here

this may not be the best day to be starting a blog, as i'm feeling a bit down and lonely after returning home after the holidays, but then again, that might make it the perfect day. i've been journaling for eva since the day i found out she was a little bundle of cells, but somehow i think writing for her and for family and friends together (here, rather than in her journal plus emails to you all) will help me renew my motivation for keeping up with writing. there is so much i want her to know about this time. plus, i find that for my own purposes, trying to remember and appreciate all these fleeting little moments of her young life can be anxiety producing for me. maybe knowing it's recorded somewhere will allow me to let go of that a bit. i think those feelings come from loving her so much that i want to feel like i can return to this time later and still have the view from here.

so here we go.

flying home from north dakota on sunday was a piece of cake compared to my flight with her two weeks before. she did something that surprised me, because i persist in being surprised every time she does something that makes her seem "so old", where "old" just means one click older than she is in my head. she took great delight at looking out the window as we were descending into minneapolis, the lights of the city moving and twinkling below. somehow i thought that would only become interesting once she got to the "isn't it funny how the cars look like ants" stage, but as happens almost daily, she got me to look at something anew, through her eyes. little does she know, however, that she slept through two things even her seasoned traveller mama has never seen before from an airplane -- the mall of america ferris wheel, all lit up, as visible through the glass roof of the building, and several wildfires, near what i am deciding was possibly oklahoma city. fires are surprisingly bright, at night, from the air. as it turns out, there's a lot to see from an airplane.

today for the first time ever eva spent time -- a whole 90 minutes -- with a non-parent or -grandparent care giver, so i could go to the dentist (thanks, sarah!). that marks the eighth time i've ever been away from her, and the far-more-than-eighth time i've vowed to stop counting. for those interested, the seven other fabulous excursions were, in order, picking up take-out thai food, getting three items at the grocery store, more take-out thai food, going to the symphony to hear my friend farah sing (i fed eva at intermission in a full length evening dress, which was amusing to me and perplexing to many others), test driving a new car, running to best buy to get tapes for the new video camers, and photographing the new windfarm near my hometown. note that most of this away-time took place in the car, where i only sometimes forgot that i could momentarily change the music from "there was a teddy bear named freddy bear."

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