it seems like in life with a baby, it's so easy to convince yourself (or to let others convince you) to focus on all the wrong things. examples of such things: the perpetual basket of unfolded laundry, the mess in the kitchen, your lack of ambition or lack of follow-through on what ambition you do have, all the pre-pregnancy clothes you still can't wear, and the fact that the pizza guy has been to your house so many times lately that he greets you like a friend even after your dog bites his shoe (sadly, that's actually true, it happened today). i don't know if it's the sheer weight of responsibility for another tiny human or simply the lack of structure in the day-to-day of it, but somehow having a baby around can make a person feel really buried by the details.
but here's the thing, i think, that balances it out. if you can make yourself stop, maybe just stare at that little beautiful face for a minute, that can be enough to make everything that so recently seemed important and overwhelming just fall away. it doesn't work all the time, but just often enough to keep me sane -- i'll look and i find all i need right there in the rise and fall of her chest while she sleeps. i think the most important thing i'm learning from eva is to calm down and be present. i've always been terrible at this, but i'm making progress. all those things my brain rushes about worrying over can wait when i see those laughing, wondering eyes looking back at me. and as for focus, this is where it belongs.